THE
OTHER LIFE SKILLS WITH AMANDA RANGANAWA
PUBLIC HUMILIATION
The OTHER LIFE SKILLS deals with life issues that may or may not be basic knowledge to everyone. These life skills may range from social, economical to political issues.
First of all, let me just
say that l love the social media because of the information it reveals about
people's lives. The kind of life they are willing to reveal by the way. So here
l was browsing on my social network and l saw a friend's post. She was
complaining that one of her work mates had called her a liar in front of 15
people. She actually had time to count, which was fast considering how
scattered she says the people were in the room.
Then again, when you are humiliated you sort of have a mental
calculation of how many people saw your humiliation. I do that as well whenever
lm confronted. I always check who, and how many are looking.
Anyways, she explained in
her post that she had had a disagreement with the work mate and he had just
started shouting without giving her time to explain herself. So she says she
held it in, like a lady of course, and tried dismayingly to talk him down to no
avail. So she ended up with the name Liar in between her birth name. A name she
had failed to defend because she was verbally over powered. Interestingly the person who had called her a
liar later came back that same day and apologized to her in private. However,
the damage to her character and dignity had already been done. Nonetheless, she
accepted the apology.
Now one thing you always
have to know is that at a workplace they are different types of people. They
are silent observers, the talkative, attention seekers, the lazy to either work
or talk, and the average worker that either talks or keeps quiet given their
mood. So when you talk or get close to
someone please know who they are first. Know
their personality traits and judge if they are quite, secretive, friendly,
talkative, rude, cheeky, defensive, quick tempered, religious etc? You have to
find a little or more of that. This makes you avoid associating on a personal
level with an eye, ear or mouth you cant trust.
So first of all know your colleagues and know who to pick a fight with
and who to avoid or never pick a fight with.
Some people never want to
be opposed because to them a different mindset is an enemy. Im not saying be
afraid of them, NO!. I’m saying know which people are worth your breath and
which ones are not even worth it. Now in cases of misunderstandings please
avoid solving them in front of people.
When l was in Varsity l
had a classmate who would have a problem with you and then argue with you on
top of his voice, thereby making sure everyone had their attention on both of
you. Once he had the attention of our classmates on him, he would explain his case to them making it
look like they were a part of your disagreement in the first place. So because
he had vocal power he would elaborate self defensively his case against you,
whilst you stood or sat there dumbfounded waiting for him to finish prosecuting
you. The other classmates would then feel that they had an obligation to rebuke
your idea or behavior towards him.
I found his behavior very
bullying and annoying and so l avoided engaging him and would walk out of his
'St Victim' speech when he preached it. That stopped me from fighting a losing battle,
from being accused of being wrong; from being judged by people l didn’t want
having an opinion on my issue and from losing my dignity and appearing like a
fool. Hence, whenever you see anyone calling you out publicly walk away or
ignore them.
Another thing, refuse
private apologies if the provocation was in public. Unless, the apology comes
at a time where all the previous spectators have now left, then you can accept
it. Otherwise, the same way thy cursed you is the same way thy should bless
you. So always make sure you remind the person who verbally striped you in many
eyes to un-strip you in front of those same eyes. However, if you do get a
private apology, you can forgive. Nonetheless, let the person know that they
cannot speak to you like that. Their actions may have made you feel
intimidated, inferior, scared, disrespected, unwanted, unappreciated, unsure,
uncomfortable etc; hence they have to know that they should never do that
again. Also, they should know how it made you feel so that they understand just
how bad their actions were. Some people are just rude and may even humiliate
you again in public. However, when they do that again, rise up to the challenge
and remind them of their continuous bad habit or behavior.
Most importantly, if you
are a slow, quiet, peaceful or soft talker learn these few phrases ''l am
not...l did not...l will not...l am...l will.....Do not....You will
not..." etc. Mind you, these are not all the phrases hence, you can create and learn more on your own.
Most of the time the person who picks on you either knows they can win a verbal
fight or argument with you. In some cases, very rare cases, it will be a coincidence.
Either way, you always have to be ready to say:
1. l am not....for
instance....l am not a liar
2. l will not be spoken
to like that
3. Do not call me that
4. Why don’t we talk in
private?
These are just examples;
you can fill in your own expressions depending on your situation. The most
important thing is that you don’t let someone leave without letting them know
who you are, what you are and how you want to be treated. Even if you are slow,
refuse to be called names, labelled or stereotyped IMMEDIATELY! especially in front
of people because it quickly becomes your hashtag if it’s picked by those that don’t
like you. It’s even worse if the spectators are first time acquaintances
because now they have a first time impression of who you are and it’s a very
bad one albeit how innocent you might think you are.
If the damage has been
done, it is also a good idea to either go home, go into your office, to the
kitchen, the toilet or to a corner to just cool off. Avoid lashing out vulgar
words, screaming or worse, crying. Cool off, and then come back and correct
that person, hopefully the first round audience will still be there to see the
downfall of your humiliate.
Amanda Ranganawa is a
writer, poet, aspiring actress and a lover of art.
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